I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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