Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
