I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
