At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk is not a location!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
