i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
