i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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