I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
