she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
