I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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