so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just gift wrapped bread.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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