i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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