Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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