just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
