guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
