i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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