We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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