Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize