I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
