And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
