its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
