wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My ass is underappreciated
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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