Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
