there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
