That reminds me...we need to get swords
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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