ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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