So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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