My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Welp...herpes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
