"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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