At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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