I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
