What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
