I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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