so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
