HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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