You're my little dorito
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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