Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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