while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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