bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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