ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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