I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
