Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
