Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
