I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
