doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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