i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
