I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
