I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
