I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
