grandma shit on top of the toilet
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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