Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
