Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
