i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
