Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
