We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
