I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
