Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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