hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
