found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
