Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
