so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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