my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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