Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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