i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
