is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
