theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
