We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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